Marriage as an Institution that is ordained by the Lord God Almighty Himself involves an agreement exclusively between two people in His Presence (Amos 3:3). However, it is erroneously assumed that it excludes other parties. In the true sense of the word, every Marriage involves the families of the two people coming together in Harmony, essentially making them relatives by law. The in-law problems often constitute one of the potential landmines that often lead to Marriage breakdowns. On this premise, Marital Success is not entirely dependent on the husband and the wife alone but also requires a healthy and cordial relationship between the couple and their families.
Marital problems usually arise due to differences which often lead to a Culture Shock. Therefore, each of the families must of necessity be managed differently anytime issues arise. It is ignorant to assume that the way things are handled within your own immediate family is the same as that of the family of your spouse. Knowing how to manage in-laws on both sides is extremely important. As you prepare to settle down, you must study the family you are getting married from (in the case of the man) or the family you are getting married into (in the case of the woman). This is so critical an issue for it is possible to find a good spouse who unfortunately has, for instance, a troublesome sister and mother-in-law. You have inherited them through Marriage, therefore you need to learn how to handle them wisely, pray for them and show them Love no matter how difficult they may prove to be. You must go the extra mile to understand them, building a good and lasting relationship with them since they have now become your family. It is possible to build a good Relationship with your in-laws when you apply the following Practical Strategies:
(a.) YOU MUST LEARN HOW TO ACCEPT THEM WHOLEHEARTEDLY: Stop being judgmental or critical anytime you are having dealings with them. Learn to tolerate their shortcomings and accept them for who they are.
(b.) YOU MUST LEARN HOW TO FORGIVE THEM WITHOUT RESERVATION: Situations would definitely arise whereby they hurt you or say nasty things about you. Resist the temptation to nag them or scold them.
(c.) YOU MUST MAKE SACRIFICES FOR THEM: You must be willing to make sacrifices for them but not to the detriment of your Relationship with your spouse.
(d.) YOU MUST RESPECT THEM ALWAYS: It is a known fact that respect is reciprocal. On this basis, respect them so that they would respect you in turn. You must respect your spouse's siblings who are older than you as well as earn the respect of those who are younger than you.
(e.) STOP MEDDLING IN THEIR OWN AFFAIRS: Don't become overly assertive anytime issues about any of them arise. Unless you have been called upon and granted permission to give your personal opinion, resist the temptation to interfere. If your opinion is sought for, however, remain objective. Don't take sides with anybody but rather let the Truth be known.
As a follow-up to our discourse thus far, these are some Basic Wisdom tips for solving the In-law problem:
1. TAKE IT TO GOD IN PRAYERS: Whenever issues arise, never handle them from a carnal perspective. Don't think they are normal but instead deal with them Spiritually (2 Cor. 10:4). You need the Holy Spirit rather than mere grammar to fight for you during such battles.
2. WIN THE FAVOUR OF THE MEMBERS OF YOUR SPOUSE'S FAMILY: Get them to like you because your spouse's people have already become your own people (Ruth 1:16). You must make a conscious attempt to win them over.
3. ASK GOD FOR THE WISDOM TO RELATE WITH AND UNDERSTAND YOUR IN-LAWS: You must discern their peculiarities and how they reason. This way, you can get to know them better.
4. ANYTIME CONFLICTS ARISE, ENSURE YOUR SPOUSE IS ON YOUR SIDE: Every man must always be prepared to defend and protect his wife and vice versa from their family if or whenever they gang up against either one. Your primary allegiance is to him or her, not your parents, siblings or in-laws.
5. PRAY FOR THEM TO PROSPER ON THEIR OWN, GET ESTABLISHED AND HELP THEM START OUT IN LIFE AS THEY BUILD THEIR OWN FAMILIES: One typical example of such a scenario is Abraham and his nephew Lot (Gen. 13:8-12).